Tuesday, 20 September 2011

Mind Games

As mentioned in my Stupid O'Clock post I really did feel like a right old wuss for turning back, after all there wasn't anything major going on with the sea, yes for sure it had changed slightly but I was comfortable further out beyond the surf, or was I. Subconsciously something had changed,fear was starting to get a hold. 

But thinking rationally about this, I was aware that things had started to slide when I realized I couldn't let go of the paddle because in turn the kayak had became more wobbly and I needed to keep that death grip on the paddle shaft. Why, probably because I was looking at waves smashing onto some rocks and breaking on the beach and was a bit intimidated by it all and felt vulnerable, probably, deep down I also knew that my self rescue skills were very limited. I can roll but that's about it. If that failed I was truly in the cack with very little equipment to summon help or deal with such an incident. So the voice of reason won out on this occasion.

At no point did I feel I was going to capsize, but clearly I was on the wrong side of being comfortable. Once I made the decision to turn around and start making my way back, things calmed down. I became a little more relaxed, still on edge mind you, just a little less stressed. All that had changed, was now I had a focus to concentrate on, simply paddling back.

A logical conclusion would be that it was all in my head and fear was taking over, if that is correct then the answer to releasing that ever tightening grip of fear would be to concentrate on some task at hand thus taking your mind from that stress trigger, a simplistic view, yes but maybe i've stumbled on one tool to put in the bag to be used against fear in he future.  

I have no doubt I will experience this feeling again as my adventures continue.

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